Thursday, March 17, 2011

My Story

When I became pregnant with my oldest child, Landon (now 6-years-old), I was a teacher. I knew once he was born, I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but my heart didn't want to think about how much I would miss teaching.

Landon was born in April of 2005.

I had a hard labor and delivery. My tailbone was broken in delivery. He was an extra large baby. I almost dropped him the first time I held him and I felt like a failure.

When he was 6 weeks old, I went back to work to finish out the last 2 weeks of the school year with my students. I sobbed as I hugged each child on the last day.

Landon began sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. He took looong naps each day. He was a very easy baby. In fact, I was bored.

When Landon was 4 months old, we moved to a different house.

When Landon was 4 months old, my milk supply instantly went away.

When Landon was 4 months old, a new school year began and I was no longer a public school teacher. I was a stay-at-home mom.

When Landon was 4 months old, I told my husband I hated my life. I told him I hated being married to him. Then I locked myself in a bathroom, got in the fetal position, and rocked back and forth.

When Landon was 4 months old, my husband drove me to my doctor and I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression.

When my story is written out like this, I'm sure you can see the pattern of immediate changes, both biological and circumstantial that led to my struggle with PPD.

Praise the Lord for a quick recovery, for changing my heart, and for a logical husband who did not handle my yelling at him with anger, but knew that I needed help.

I am quick to tell my story. I'm not embarrassed by it. Because I know there are lots of mommas who are or will struggle with depression.

Moms need prayer. It's a hard job. Whether you work inside the home, outside the home, or both, know that I am praying for you. I may not know your name, but because of my story, mommas everywhere are constantly on my heart. And I serve a God who is really smart. He knows your name and He hears my prayers for you. He created you with a purpose and He loves you more than you can fathom.


  1. wow. what a great post. thanks for sharing.

  2. I remember the day you locked yourself in the bathroom. Nathan called me so upset and just didn't know what to do... it was so unlike you. I am thankful you got help, Nathan understood, and you survived that dark time. You are a blessing to YOUR mom!
    love ya, mom

  3. Oh my goodness. I had not heard this story before.