15 months old

Monday, I took Connor Man to the doctor for his 15-month well visit. Well visits for Connor Man typically sound like this:

Nurse: How's he doing?

Me: Awesome. Eating like a champ. I'm SURE he's gained weight.

The nurse weighs him.

Nurse: He weighs almost nothing. He's in the 3rd percentile for weight.

Me: Okey doke.

Doctor: How has he been feeling?

Me: Great. He's the man. He's super healthy.

Doctor checks his ears.

Doctor: He has a double ear infection.

Me: Awesome.

BUUUUUUT this time his well-visit sounded like this:

Nurse: How's he doing?

Me: Awesome. Eating like a champ. But I say that every single time and he still doesn't gain weight. So I'm sure he hasn't gained weight this time either but I've done all I know to do. So there.

The nurse weighs him.

Nurse: Oh.My.Word. He has gone from the 3rd percentile to the 27th percentile. Look at his chart! You are an amazing mom. I want to be just like you when I have children one day. And also you're really skinny. (or something like that....I can't remember every single word she said.)

Doctor: How's he been feeling?

Me: Great. So, I'm sure his ears are infected.

Doctor: His ears look clear as a bell!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ISN'T THAT INCREDIBLE? Connor Man gained three lbs. in three weeks! AND he didn't have an ear infection! I gave him a huge high five.

Then the well-visit took a turn for the worse and sounded like this:

Doctor: What words can he say in addition to "Mama" and "Dada"?

Me: He can't say any words in addition to "Mama" and "Dada". Also, he can't say "Mama" and "Dada".

Doctor: Have you tried teaching him those words?

Me: No.

Doctor: What body parts does he know?

Me: None.

Doctor: Have you tried teaching him body parts?

Me: Nope. Hasn't crossed my mind. I didn't realize I was supposed to teach body parts to a newborn.

Doctor: He's not a newborn. He's 15-months-old.

Me: I can't hear you because my hands are over my ears but I'm pretty sure you just told me what a handsome newborn I have.

Doctor: No, I did not. I told you that you need to grow up and realize that your baby is no longer a newborn. He's a toddler who can walk and stuff. And it's time you teach him stuff. Like words. And body parts.

Me: I see your lips moving but all I hear is blah, blah, blah. So I'll just assume you repeated how wonderful my teeny, tiny, just-born baby is. Good day, doctor.